There have been so many times in my career that I’ve heard people say, “It’s all about the relationships.”
And honestly? I didn’t get it. Or at least I didn’t fully understand it.
In grad school, everything was about metrics and data. So when I started hearing I needed to focus on relationships before throwing data at people, I was caught off guard.
Looking back now, it makes sense. But as an introvert, that was a hard pill to swallow.
I’m a “cut to the chase” person who doesn’t share much about life outside of work. It’s hard for me to start a call with small talk or open up about what’s going on in my life. My brain is always focused on outcomes like the points I need to make, the takeaways I need from the conversation.
By 2023, I’d been operating this way for years. That’s when my team lead sat down with me and spelled it out clearly. I wasn’t going to make headway in my career if I didn’t at least try to build relationships with the people around me. I didn’t have to be everyone’s best friend, but I needed to let go of being this “robot” of an HR person.
That hit hard.
I’d always prided myself on being no-nonsense and clear when working with people. But I realized I had a choice. Either stay the HR robot, or actually try to connect.
So I started working on building relationships with the people I worked with, especially the c-suite I supported.
With some people, it was natural. With others, I was convinced they saw me as a roadblock. Someone they had to get through to get what they needed. So I hyper-focused on those relationships.
But I found my own way. I didn’t flip a switch and start oversharing. I took a different approach.
My conversations became more human. Instead of being stone-faced when someone came to me needing a counter-offer approved, I gave my real reaction. If I didn’t agree, I said so, but I also made it clear I was there to support what they needed.
That was my turning point.
I didn’t need to share all aspects of my life with everyone. I just needed to be real. I needed to show people there was a human on the other side looking back at them. Not some HR robot.
Over time, the people who used to see me as a roadblock started seeing me as a sounding board. I wasn’t there to tell them no and stay stone-faced while I pushed back. I was there to be honest and support them where I could.
I built trust. Something I’d always wanted to feel at all levels. And now I had it.
This isn’t a one-and-done process. It takes time to find your stride with each person. But the better you get at building relationships and ultimately trust, the better you’ll succeed.
And to be clear, this is at all levels of an organization. I can’t tell you how many times employees tell me they want to talk to me because they know they’ll get the truth, even when it’s inconvenient.
I still have a long way to go in my career, but I’m thankful for the people who gave me advice like “don’t be a robot.”
What advice changed your career? Did you listen right away, or did it take time to sink in?
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